bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
