I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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