my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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