Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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