Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
