I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He better not be in your backpack
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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