i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
