shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
