In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
