Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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