Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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