Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
