Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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