those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
