I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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