Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
