I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
