I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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