new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
