I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
