this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
