as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
