just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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