Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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