Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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