Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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