You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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