I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
