I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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