Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
