i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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