it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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