I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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