So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
