he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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