yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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