did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
