my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
