I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
