She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
