i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
