I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
