It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
