obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
