dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
