i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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