if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
