after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
