You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
