guys are only as good as the porn they watch
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
