their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
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An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
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also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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