Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my phone needs a breathalizer
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
