I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
