My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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