I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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