giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
