Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
