we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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