Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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