We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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