i permit you to call me
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
