Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
