I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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