just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
