I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
