Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize