I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
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she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
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Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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