I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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