This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
