dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
